Animals!

We took Aliza to Whipsnade (finally!) this afternoon. There were high points (she loved the Lemurs, and the Elephants) and low points (all of the big cats were asleep!) and the plain disappointing (the petting zoo was pretty much closed for renovations - there were animals but the only ones out of their paddock were turkeys?!) Still, Aliza had a great time, and ran around lots. When we're next down in Devon (end of June probably) we'll take her to a farm/petting zoo where she can meet animals up close. Just as long as she doesn't go all Lisa The Vegitarian on us.

Eurovision Blog!

In the true spirit of Eurovision cheesiness, I'll probably be posting something about each entry as they perform. So watch this space! At the end of it all I'll try to sort out my top three (huit/dix/douze points), trying to get a top ten will be more difficult! As usual I'm expecting nothing to come of the UK entry, but as long as we keep paying, we'll keep getting in. (Ooh, we're up second! Plenty of time for the song to be forgotten!)

Even better: I'll be using the BBC Eurovision Scorecard!

20:02 And we're off! Things don't start in too promising a fashion, with a very strange interpretation of last year's winning song. I think this is the performance that the word "androgynous" has been waiting for!

20:07 Here come the hosts... and they're doing the "romance" double act. She's wearing a pretty frock. His suit is... dubious, at best.

20:08 First act! It's Romania, a pair called Nico (girl) and Vlad (boy) singing a song called Pe-o Margine De Lume. No idea. But it's a piano ballad. Hardly the most original song ever, it's ever to mid-90s and very Celine Dion. Completely middle of the road forgettable. It'll do brilliantly.

20:13 The UK! Andy Abraham, Even If. Already he's slightly off-key. More energetic than the Romanian pair though. A nice slice of disco-funk that wouldn't be out of place in a Saturday Nite handbag dancin' line-up.

20:16 Albania, in the form of Olta Boka singing Zemren E Lame Peng. Well, she's pretty, I'll give her that. Sporting some weird flard skirt/trousers/is that her jacket? Ooh, power-ballad time! Making use of the wind machine. It's not terrible by any stretch of the imagination - it'll do well, I reckon. Top 10 material.

20:20 Here come Germany. No Angels - Disappear. Stone me, they've only gone and cloned Sugababes! This is totally, utterly, bland. And out of tune. Oh dear, I think we've just had the first real turkey of the night.

20:24 Armenia are up next. Sirusho with Qele, Qele. Hmm, surreal so far, they're going for the pseudo-ethnic Europop style. Not sure what her three dancers are up to, or what the song's supposed to be going on about. She has that dusky Asian look about her though. Ooh, and nice swinging of the hips there. Well, I've seen worse.

20:28 Sixth up are Bosnia. Laka - in the most ridiculous dress ever, and boy is she scary looking and just what they heck are those oh my god no help oh god this is just plain surreal!!! She's hanging up washing. Oh, the song is called Pokuoaj. And there's a bloke from the 118118 adverts.

20:31 A bit of a break before we get to Israel, who will be represented by Boaz singing The Fire in Your Eyes. So far in the lead on my scoresheet is... Armenia, with 31/48.

20:33 Here we go with Israel. He's wearing a badly-fitting shiny waistcoat, and is hardly Mr Dynamic on stage. Apparently he won Pop Idol, or whatever they call it, and you can tell. It's one of those songs and I'm sorry but it's a tedious ballad. I'm not sure he's singing it too well either.

20:37 Finland, who will never ever be able to top Lordi. Ever. Here we have Terasbetoni with Missa Miehet Ratsastaa. Ooh, another rock band! Except it's not Lordi... this lot think they're Iron Maiden! Even the song sounds like it's a reject from Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son. Now I like metal so I'm biased in liking this anyway... er except the lyrics mention sheep. More than once. Oh dear.

20:41 The Croatian entry is Kraljevi Ulice and 75 Cents with a song called Romanca. Hmm, he doesn't look like your typical Eurovision singer. And neither does he. Two old crooners in fedoras. It's different, I'll give you that. 100% pure folk-inspired. You can almost imagine these guys singing this in Dubrovnik on a balmy summer night... except the old guy just tried rapping? Hmm.

20:44 Poland next. Isis Gee singing For Life. She about 7' tall in a dress that is split way too low, and she has the scariest teeth ever. Sure she can sing a bit but unfortunately her look somewhat distracts from working out if the song's any good.

20:48 Next up is Iceland. This Is My Life by Euroband. Well, it's Eurovision through and through. Hi-NRG disco. Quite funky. Hmm, there's a girl too. Well there's been a bit of a trough lately so this is at least getting things back on track.

20:52 The Turkish entry is by Mor ve Otesi and is called Deli. Another rock entry. However this is more American than the Finnish entry. One of the best so far, but I have to wonder what's going on with the singer's eyebrows.

20:56 Another break, and surprisingly Armenia are still in the lead. Portugal will follow shortly.

20:58 Representing Portugal: Vania Fernandes with Senhora Do Mar (Negras Aguas). Wow, that's some frock! And earrings Pat Butcher would be proud of! This is either a slow-burner... which it's certainly building up to be... or it's going to just be dull.

21:02 Latvia, with the intriguingly-named Pirates of the Sea and the song Wolves of the Sea. Oh dear. They really are pirates. This is pure grade shit of the highest order.

21:06 Sweden have been built up as being pretty good. Singer Charlotte Perrelli has won once already in 1999. Tonight she has a song called Hero. It's okay I guess, but she has funny eyes.

21:10 The Danish entry is All Night Long by Simon Mathew. First impressions are Right Said Fred... not sure about his hat though. It's quite catchy though. Not half bad.

21:14 Georgia, the former Soviet Republic, brings us Peace Will Come by Diana Gurtskaya. All very monochrome so far. Eek, she's from The Matrix! And she has a scary plastic hairstyle. It's a bit dreary though, going on about "peace coming".

21:18 18 songs in... Ukraine. Ani Lorak. Shady Lady. Blimey. Outfit of the night so far! Proper disco, shimmery mini-dress, this has it all. This will place very highly, if not #1.

21:21 Another break before France, but I think we just saw the winner.

21:22 The controversial (because it's sung in English!) French entry is Divine by Sebastien Tellier. Err... never mind. What on earth is this about? How did this get past the semis? Far too many beards, and a golf cart, and an inflatable globe. Really, I've said enough.

21:26 Azerbaijan. Elnur and Samir. Day After Day. Really, after the Ukrainian entry, nothing matters any more. I suppose I ought to give this a look. Oh, it's the cast of Dogma. Frankly ridiculous costumes, and I've no idea what's going on here. Utterly, utterly, silly - but not as bad as France. Or Germany.

21:30 We're getting there, and 21 of 28 is the Greek entry. It's Kalomira with Secret Combination. Well she's easy on the eye, for starters. The song... well it's kinda like Britney, as is the dance routine and whole look, really.

21:34 Here's Spain. Rodolfo Chikilicuatre gives us Baila El Chiki Chiki. Umm, it's kind of... Rolf Harris with... dancers in small dresses. It's bad. Very, very, bad.

21:37 The hosts, Serbia, present this year's entry: Jelena Tomaoevic feat. Bora Dugic singing Oro. Well, she's better-looking than the last lass, and can sing better. I'm afraid, though, that the song is a dreary folksy ballad that would force me to turn off the radio in disgust.

21:42 The penultimate entry is from Russia, and is called Believe, sung by Dima Bilan. He's break-dancing. Or just performing from the floor. He's trying hard, bless, but he's not got much to work with. This is as sparse a presentation as we... oh hang on, here's a guy on roller blades. Yet another bland ballad though.

21:45 Finally, we arrive at the end: Norway. It's Hold On Be Strong by Maria. Top-of-the-line presentation. Nice dress. Good combination of accessories. Backing singers co-ordinated. Looks nice. Oh, the song? A mid-tempo number, nothing terribly special. But sometimes presentation is everything.

21:53 Well, the songs are over, the voting has begun. In the meantime, here's my top 5:

1 Ukraine (42/48).
2 Armenia (31).
3= UK (30).
3= Turkey (30).
3= Greece (30).

And bottom 5:
25 France (12)
24= Spain (13)
24= Germany (13)
22 Latvia (15)
21 Israel (16)

21:58 A few more stats:

Best Songs: Turkey, Ukraine, and Albania (all 10/12)
Best Performance: Ukraine (10)
Best Dance Routine: Ukraine (10)
Best Outfit: Ukraine (12)

Worst Songs: Latvia, Spain, Croatia (2)
Worst Performance: Germany (3)
Worst Dance Routine: Romania (1)
Worst Outfit: Bosnia, Poland, France, Latvia (2)

22:07 Voting has closed, and now there's some weird wedding band on doing a very bad song that is still better than a good few of the actual entries. Terry suggested pouring a stiff drink. That's a good idea.

22:19 The votes are in... here we go!

22:28 San Marino have given us 6 points! Woo-hoo! Otherwise so far the block voting has been predictable as ever.

22:40 Depressing so far for the UK. But Ukraine are making a move. Just you watch.

22:54 Ireland! Ireland! 8 points from Ireland! Except now we're last on countback.

23:07 After yet another year of shocking political/cultural block voting, Russia are the winners. And the UK, despite not being the worst by a long, long, way, are last (well, joint-last on 14 points with Poland and Germany). It's ridiculous - and frankly it takes all of the fun out of watching. Signing off and going to bed. See you in Moscow next year, if I can find a US broadcaster showing Eurovision!