Digging my own grave

I think, on reflection, that I should use more foresight in my decisions. If I've let someone down because of my own stupid lack of foresight, and in many ways an inability to learn from past mistakes, then there isn't much hope for me. It's put me into a total downward spiral, this weekend at least, and I just don't feel like enjoying myself. I just want to hide. I am going to hide. Don't try to find me.

A sin that requires no penance?

I feel as if I've committed some unspeakable evil, that for my actions I should be cast out, never called upon again. Yet I've done nothing of the sort. All I'm guilty of is wanting to curl up and die, to curl up and cry, to be on my own when I should've been with friends, all I've done is offer no real reason for it so why do I feel as if I've done the worst thing that I could imaginably ever do? Is there some deep subconscious layer that wants people to hate me? I know that I have diifficulty accepting the people like me. Maybe it's not quite that way, then, maybe I can't accept that I'm not disliked. How can I go on like this? How can I overcome this? I feel as if I've been waiting forever already and I don't want to wait forever again, I'm not getting any younger and there is just so much I've missed out on. Where do I go from here?